You take away...

"Guys like to run chicks love to yell you see. Guys hate to fight girls think it's therapy."
- Blink 182

Man, dad's are DICKS!

I finally make my phone call, and Mr. Mattiuz pretty much BLACKBALLS me.
Bastard.

"Yes I have Michele's # and Address, but I don't give that out. Sorry. You can give me your # and I'll be sure to pass it along..."

Sure you will you fucking cocksmoke.

Overprotective ass!

Now my day is ruined.
Thanks dude.

Elisha Ann Cuthberth, Will you marry me? :-P

"You shouldn't play with knives." -Frank Castle

This SUCKS. I can't make my phone call. No matter how hard I try I just can't pick up that phone. A friend has told me that if I don't "I'll never know" And I didn't really think that it'd be that hard...

BAH!

"Between truth and madness lies but a sliver of a stream"


Much thanks to E-Rock for once again listening and giving advice.

I've had something(one) on my mind lately and have decided that the silence has gone for far too long.

It's time to get some answers!

"What else should I be? All apologies."
-Kurt Cobain

I thought I'd take a little different approach today, just to say something publically.

I'd like to apologize to everyone. My family, my friends, those involved (except for 2 motherfuckers who can rot in jail) and everyone else.

Those who know what I'm talking about, do, and those who don't, don't worry about it. Just know I'm a sorry guy.

I did something, bad, and I'm prepared to take my punishment for it.
I can only do what I've been doing, saying how sorry I am, and praying for forgiveness.

I hope the big guy is on my side, or will at least give me strength to get through this and be a better man.

So like the quote up top says, I'm all apologies.

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."
-The Great Tom Waits

5:01AM, February 9th, The year of our lord, 2004. Monday.

Awake like always. I never sleep anymore. It was brought to my attention that I have not blogged yet this year, and I figured now was as good a time as any.

I've felt so numb lately. Like nothing effects me. Even when I do things to change my life (Take up a language or instrument, read a book, watch a new movie) I feel alone no matter what I do.

My nights consist of sitting in front of this devil box, listening to depressing tunes, and wondering when it's going to be time to pack up my pride and move on.

The person I know can help me, has such a different life now. And even thinking about calling her makes me nervous as hell, to the point of throwing up...Why can't things be different.

V-Day is next month, which won't make things easier. Sure I'm alone everyday, but this is the one day a year that it gets rubbed into single people's faces. Another reason not to leave the house I guess.

I decided today that I'm going to shoot for heading to PSU in the fall. Dubois campus studying general courses for 2 years until I can move to University Park, and head full steam ahead into a Film Making major. My friend Zack and I have alot of visions and ideas (Whether sick or normal) floating in our skulls that need to get out.

Speaking of movies...this weeks rent list for those of you reading include:
-28 Days Later
-Bad Taste
-Donnie Darko

Also, try to check out Kill Bill Volume 1 if you can. I d/l it and watched it and Mr. Tarentino has certainly not lost his touch.
Beautiful flick.

As far as the resolutions are concerned, I failed. Sue me. I smoke again, wah. That's what resolutions are for I guess.

So until next time, remember...Kill is love.

"no one bites back as hard, on their anger. none of my pain and woe, can show through..."

Wow, long time no post. Like anyone cares. haha.
Anyway, well, another Christmas here, another one gone. I sure do miss that feeling that it used to give me. Everyone remember that? That feeling in the pit of your stomach? Anxiousness, nervousness, excitement. Now it's replaced with Loathing, disgust, and hatred. For me anyway.

Don't get me wrong. I love seeing family and friends and all, but, it's just not the same.

Things have sure changed in the past few months. But I guess that's the way it goes, things change. Roll with the punches.

I miss Walt. Really bad. Things aren't the same without him here.

I'm once again unemployed, thanks to my blessing of a car. Mark's in jail. I never see Kirt or Zack anymore. Justin moved away. Dave's always with other people. I really have no friends it seems like sometimes.

Something about me feels off today, I'm not sure if it's sickness or what.

Thanks for the soda Angela. ;) ;)

In other news, I quit smoking today. No more cigarettes for me. It's an expensive habit that I can't really afford, and will just kill me someday. I'm getting shafted on that deal.
I'm also not much for drinking lately. Too many funny hats and rough mornings. I hope I'm not turning SXE. hah. I haven't even smoked much Ganj lately, although it will always be one of my loves.

Well I got nothing else to say really, so I guess this lovely little rant has come to an end.

Peace.